In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Is it penis luge time yet?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sorry about my life...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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