if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
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you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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