She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize