i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
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I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
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March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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