May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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