How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
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Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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