There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize