If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
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Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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