The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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