Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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