i think my tv is drunk
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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