There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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