Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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