I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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