i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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