I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
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honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
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they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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