God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just puked most of my soul out..
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