fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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