listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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