How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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