Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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