his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize