haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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