every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize