im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
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Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
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He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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