Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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