these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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