my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize