I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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