New low: just hacked my moms facebook
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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