we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
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Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
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I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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