If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
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sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
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Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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