My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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