I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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