2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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