fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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