I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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