You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize