At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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