I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize