i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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