I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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