Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
