Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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