apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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