Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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