Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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