Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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