You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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