I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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